Teach Kids, Not To Fear But To Respect Boundaries

 

Purpose, Boundaries, and the Lessons My Childhood Taught Me

When I was young, my dad always seemed impatient with my docile nature. He had a common phrase he often repeated: "Step your feet hard on the floor!" What he meant was, Show some strength! Be resilient! Have some personality!

But looking back, I sometimes wonder—how do you expect someone to have resilience when you raised them in a way that never required them to build it?

I grew up in a full house. Aside from my immediate family, we often had over seven extra people living with us, making our household at least 13 people strong at any given time. My parents had five children, but in a strange way, we were never really allowed to do anything for ourselves.

At nine years old, I was still being bathed, we all were, from my 11 year old brother down to my 6 year old sister. Even brushing my own teeth wasn’t something I was responsible for—there were always house helps to do everything.

The Turning Point

I think one of the best (though most traumatic) things that ever happened to me was going to a boarding school for five years. It was there that I learned to take care of myself, and that knowledge later helped me teach my younger siblings the same. It was a crash course in independence—one that I hadn’t received at home.This brings me to the question of purpose.

Thinking back, I recall that I started writing while I was in boarding school. The trauma from being thrust into fending for myself without warning made me seek for an escape which I discovered in my writing.

Most of my Storybooks were often borrowed and never returned but I didn't mind, I just kept writing some more.

How Can Kids Discover Their Purpose?

There’s a line from a cartoon I once watched—I can’t remember the name—but it stuck with me:

"How can you know what you like when you've never tried anything?"

Of course, this statement can apply to a lot of negative things, but when framed correctly as a child of God, it becomes a powerful tool for discovery.

Purpose isn’t just some grand, mystical thing. At its core, purpose is something you’re passionate about. But how can you know what you’re passionate about if you’ve never been allowed to try things?

How can you know if you've never been encouraged to try?

The Problem with Overprotective Parenting

Many parents make the mistake of doing everything for their children, thinking they’re helping them. But a child who can walk should be allowed to do certain things for themselves, and those responsibilities should increase as they grow older.

When you always choose for your kids because it's easier than training them and trusting them to choose for themselves, you end up raising overly dependent adults. 

A childhood filled with only play and no structure or responsibility in form of rules, or discipline is not freedom—it’s neglect. It creates adults who are lost, directionless, and unsure of their place in life.

A crying child is obviously in pain. But before you jump in to solve the child's problem, you should find out the kind of pain present. If it's the kind of pain that won't harm them, the kind that will help them to learn, then your response at that moment becomes definitive. It will either shape them or destroy them. In case you didn't get me, pain helps us to learn. The Bible does say that he who has suffered is free from sin. Therefore, suffering makes us better. And it's better you inflict the suffering than to let life inflict it. 

Discipline is a form of suffering.

If you misunderstand your child's crying as a command to throw away your responsibility as a parent to insist on morals and virtues, you do that child a terrible harm. Because one day they will hate you when they discover that boundaries do exist, and that they can't cry their way out of following the rules or practicing morals and virtues. Which by the way is something you, their "loving parent" should have taught them.

In Fact, Finding Purpose Also Begins with Knowing Boundaries.

If there's one thing I’d tell parents, it's this:

Your kids are not too young to learn boundaries. Your kids are not too young to know how to behave.

Teach them respect for limits—not just in their actions but in their thinking. Don’t take this for granted, because purpose is found within boundaries, not outside them.

People often think purpose is about expanding possibilities, but in reality, purpose is about depth, not mass.

It's about finding that one thing you're great at and doing the best you can with it.

Because it's not how much ground a foundation covers that determines what it can carry. It’s how deep it is.

Give your children the right foundation, teach them boundaries, let them choose, and hold them accountable for their choices, and in due season, they’ll discover their purpose naturally.